As yet another month wraps up, I take the time to reflect on the past few months. It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, but it’s not for lack of taking action elsewhere in my life. It’s the ebb and flow of what I decide to focus on.
In my last blog, I shared about scheduling monthly dates with my daughter. We’ve both been thoroughly enjoying the one-on-one time together. The last few weeks, I’ve been rejoicing in the strength of our mother-daughter relationship right now. And how very grateful I am that we are so open and close with each other. Last night I was thinking about how building that bond through one-on-one time (making Beautiful memories together) makes it much easier to walk through the Hard times together as well.
In these last few months, I’ve also gone through my own Hard and Beautiful times. I thought in this post, I’d share 7 Lessons that I’m still learning.
1. Acknowledge and Embrace the Highs and Lows.
Beauties and Hardships in life: for the longest time I used to beat myself up when I was feeling low, depleted or lacking energy. One thought would spiral into another, and it would affect my behavior. The more I felt low, the more I shamed myself, and the more my actions stopped aligning with my values. They weren’t huge or horrible changes, but I’m learning to notice them much sooner now when they come up.
I’m learning that shaming myself is not helpful. Instead, I’m giving myself grace. I think of what I would tell a friend if they were talking negatively about themselves. Then I share those thoughts with myself.
2. Celebrate the Wins.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you’re not doing “enough”. In today’s society, there’s so many messages thrown at us of how to do better, be more, improve. Our to-do lists feel never-ending.
When I go to bed at night, I often catch myself thinking about what I didn’t get done. In those moments, I try to remember what I did do. For me right now, being available for my immediate family is a top priority. That and prioritzing my health through daily movement, eating healthy, and spending time in God’s word.
I often have to remind myself that my day was a win when I was there for myself and my family. Especially when society might make me feel that it wasn’t “enough”.
3. Life is Better When We Lean into Community
I learned this last summer, when I found myself not making time for my friendships. It negatively affected my well-being, when I let my time with friends slip because of being busy. Now I’m aware of it sooner. I’m intentional about reaching out to friends to schedule coffee dates and walks. As I look ahead to my summer, I know it’s going to be a challenge to keep that routine in my life. But I also know how important it is for me.
I'm learning to ask for help. I'm putting myself out there. I'm finding those that I can be open and honest with; to share life’s lows and highs, hardships and beauties with.
A few of my favorite ways to do this are:
Walks with friends
Coffee Dates
Monthly in-person Chats with a small group of women
Virtual Meetings
Most all of these examples, I’ve been the one to seek out and plan these events. People are busy, they often don’t think to do this. It takes time to find your community (those that align with you and your values) but don’t be discouraged because I’ve found that making the time is well worth the return for the beauty it brings to my life.
4. Trust that you know what’s right for you
We’re surrounded by a lot of noise. A lot of messages being thrown at us about how we “should” live.
Take the time to sit in the quiet, journal, and meditate. Think about what YOU want for your life. Not what others say will make you happy. Turn down the noise around you coming from marketers trying to tell you that their product will change your life.
You know what you need. It takes us slowing down and being present to realize what we need, we probably already have.
5. You don’t need to know all the steps before saying yes
In the past month, there was a big decision weighing on me. It was swirling around in my head for a long time. I thought I had to have all the pieces figured out before I could commit.
Once I slowed down and listened to my heart, what I knew was right for me, I realized I didn’t need to know every next step to say yes. I just needed to know the next action I could take. Shifting my mind in this way was very helpful to get out of the overwhelm I was in. I knew my heart was saying yes. And that was enough. I knew my mind would catch up eventually.
6. Keep Taking Action Towards the Life You Want
Once you know what your values and dreams for your life are, start taking actions towards that life. A tiny daily step in the direction of your dreams will do wonders for you, I promise. Once you start building momentum, one tiny action step at a time, you’ll be rewarded.
Taking tiny aligned action is what it looks like to live life not by default, but with intention.
7. What If
As a recovering perfectionist and anxious person, I often find myself thinking of the what-Ifs: what might go wrong, worst-case scenarios, thinking about the Hard times that might come in my future.
I’ve realized by doing this though, I’m missing out on the Joy of today. The small beauties in front of me right now.
One of my favorite quotes that has stuck with me for years is:
“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” - Author Unknown
Now, when I catch myself worrying about the what-ifs, I remember the image of the rocking chair, and I shift my thinking to:
What if it all goes right?
What if it goes even better than I could have possibly imagined?
Those are the what-ifs I choose to focus on.
My hope is that these 7 lessons that I’ve been learning in my life, have you reflecting today too.
I love hearing from you!
Let me know which of these lessons you feel you are best at.
And which lesson you think you might want to focus on in the next week ahead?
May you find glimmers of Beauty, even through your Hard times.
~Janell
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Congratulations on your upcoming retirement. I'm sure it comes with a whirlwind of emotions, especially since you said you hadn't planned for that. I'm glad you're recognizing God is with you.
This part of your message is also so profound and wise: "I try to find happiness in each day…sometimes I do and sometimes I just can’t. But I am learning to say…that’s ok".
Proud of you, Kris. We'll stay connected. Sending you love, prayers and hugs.