Just like that, it’s considered fall season in our household. My daughter is back in school and I’m back at my desk writing.
I’m going to be honest though, this summer was hard for me. Even as I type that, I have the same tinges of guilt that kept coming up this summer. It took me a long time to realize this, process this, and communicate it with those I love most.
I felt like I lost myself. The daily habits that had become routine were broken because my days looked different.
It felt as if I was doing everything and nothing at the same time.
I judged myself harshly: Why am I not happy? I should be happy because I’m making time for me (working out, eating healthy, and drinking water).
I felt guilty: Why am I so quick to be irritated and angry? The loved ones closest to me don’t deserve that. I should be grateful for the life I’m living.
It was as if I was missing something, but didn’t know what. I didn’t know how to communicate this. I didn’t know what I should be searching for. I was in what I name as “a funk”.
Reflecting on it now, I see that judgment and guilt are not helpful. But when you’re in this kind of funk, it’s not an easy thing to shake.
I made a list of what I had lost in this past season. Most of these things were part of my daily or weekly routine before summer. But what often happens in life is that we get thrown out of routine through seasons. Sometimes those seasons are related to the weather or calendar. Other times our seasons can be defined by a life change (good or bad), a personal hardship or crisis, a “busy” season with work, kids, etc.
Here are the parts of my day and week that I later realized I had lost, that bring me joy:
- Time with Friends (coffee/lunch dates, phone calls, walks)
- Journaling in the quiet of my living room with my morning coffee
- Time with God (where I read a devotion, hear His word on the Bible App, and reflect on how God is working through me)
- Writing and creating in different ways
- Weekly church services
How did I get out of this “funk”?
- First, I was honest with myself. I let myself acknowledge how I was feeling. I tried my best to let go of judgment, guilt, and the feelings that were attached to my emotions.
- Emotions are the result of an event that takes place. Feelings are how we process and react to those emotions. I found myself in a loop of negative feelings and reactions based on my emotions.
- I reminded myself:
- It’s okay to admit when life is hard.
- It’s okay to be honest about feelings and struggles.
- It is not helpful to compare against others.
- Then, I was able to share with my husband and a few other close friends about my struggles.
- I also have a recurring monthly appointment with my counselor. I was able to share my struggles with her. She provided me with tools and resources to process all of this in different ways. She also provided a perspective shift that I really needed at the time.
- The season changed. I have the space again to get back to what brings me joy.
- I know what my joys are, because I’ve worked hard the past years to learn more about myself and to change my lifestyle for what works for me and our family.
- I didn’t jump to the next thing that I thought would make me happy. I didn’t go on a shopping spree or turn to unhealthy addictive behaviors. I didn’t make any quick decisions based on my emotions, without first providing space and time.
Through the hard times I was experiencing, my family and I still had an amazing and beautiful summer. It’s important for me to acknowledge and recognize that too. So many times, we tend to focus on all the hard and bad stuff in life, that we forget about the simple joys of life.
Some of the highlights of my summer were:
- Traveling to Colorado with Brian and Brielle to explore and to visit our great friends
- Traveling to Las Vegas with my best friend to see our favorite artist, Kenny Chesney, playing at The Sphere
- Spending time with Brian and Brielle as we all learned together the world of 4-H. Seeing firsthand their passions for hogs unfold and mold together
- Lots of days at the local fair, where Brielle showed the pig Oakley that she raised
- Experiencing Brielle’s first concert with her and my mom at the fair (we saw Lauren Daigle and Josiah Queen)
- Spending time with extended family (lake time, farm time, and other visits)
- Getting to experience, with Brielle, riding horse for the first time
- Sharing my story at a golf tournament fundraiser for Lend A Hand Up
- Volunteering on the golf course with Brielle for a fundraiser for FM Breast Friends
- Enjoying fresh vegetables from our garden
I share all of this in what feels like an open and vulnerable way in hopes that it might help others. In our society, we often race and rush. We fill our days and our kids’ days with as many activities as we can. We think by doing this it will bring us: experiences and knowledge and work ethic and worthiness and joy and discipline and… and.. and… and. The list goes on.
Or maybe we’re doing all this just because everyone else is.
Maybe we think there’s no other option.
Maybe we think it’s what we’ve always done.
I invite you to take some time and space today to reflect on the season you are currently in.
- What feels off?
- What feels hard?
- What feels easy?
- What brings you beauty?
Then ask yourself:
What is one small thing I can do in the next 24 hours to bring me back to more beauty, more joy?
Here are some ideas if you feel stuck:
- Stop your scroll on social media
- Sit in silence for 5 minutes
- Have a real conversation with a loved one in your life
- Journal
- Create something (paint, doodle, draw)
- Blast your favorite music
- Dance
It’s good to be back!
I know my purpose and passion is to serve and inspire others to heal and grow. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am so very grateful to connect with you in this way.
Love my content? Here are some ways you can support me:
- Share this post with others
- Leave a comment or reach out to me by email (I love hearing from YOU)
- Share hope by purchasing my book or a Brave and Beautiful Box for someone experiencing a hard time
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Your words reminded me that it’s okay to name when a season feels hard, and that noticing what brings us back to joy is part of the practice. I loved the way you listed what grounds you - it made me pause and reflect on what those touchstones are in my own life.
Thank you for writing with such openness and honesty. It’s a gift to be reminded that we’re not alone in these tender transitions, and that beauty can be found even in the messier seasons.
With gratitude for your voice,
Meg
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Your words are beautiful. "...untethered in that in-between space.....quietly disoriented by the lack of structure" -- so true! It took me a long time to realize why I felt so disoriented too.
I'm grateful to hear that my words helped you feel less alone.
I'd love to hear what rhythms and routines you may have found your way back to in this fresh season.
~Janell