At the beginning of 2024, I put a very scary dream into the short-term future: publish my first book. Over 15 years ago, I turned to writing to help me document and cope with my breast cancer diagnosis. Even before that, I found writing to be my favorite way to communicate. I was always able to articulate my thoughts and feelings better in written form, than verbally.
I didn’t know how I was going to reach this goal of publishing. I didn’t know what the end result would look like. I just had “a knowing” that this year was the time for it.
Are you "Wingin' It" through life?
I know I used to be. I let life happen to me. I was on a hamster wheel and felt stuck in many areas of life. It felt like I didn't have control.....
15 Years ago today, I received the phone call telling me I had cancer. In many ways, I was still a baby. We were ready to start a family, but instead, I started chemo.
Holding my baby, heavy on my chest
Along with more mixed emotions
Than I knew how to express
Looking back now
I still feel her
And everything else that I held
My wish is that my book
Will hold that space for others
As they experience life --
The hard and beautiful moments.
At the same moment that I snapped this picture with my baby, I used my phone to write the poem “Stage 4 Ocean”. This poem can be found....
I look back at the past few weeks with a full heart at how great it feels to have my book in the world.
I waited patiently for the first copies to show up on my doorstep. I had envisioned this moment for years, what it would feel like to hold my words in my hands. The books were finally delivered......
It's hard to believe all of these clinic memories were posted on September 22nd throughout the past 8 years.
Today I looked back at that memory from 8 years ago...
my baby just a toddler......
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I've had a lot of people, who are also going through chemotherapy treatments, tell me they don't know how I do this. I wanted to share a bit about my world so you can possibly see a different perspective.....
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This week Brielle and I crossed off another hard 2024 goal that we crushed together! I was a beaming proud Momma as I watched the determination on ....
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We recently moved to a new home; one with a large yard and many plants, shrubs and perennials. I have never gardened. In fact, the past few years I didn’t even buy one potted plant because it felt like one more responsibility for me to care for. ......
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Have you experienced times in your life when the stars seem to align and life starts unfolding like the clothes falling out of a laundry basket? Where you thought you knew how life was going to go, but all of a sudden there’s a detour onto an exciting new path? ......
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"Dream as if you'll live forever
Live as is you will not see tomorrow"
~Jared J
I can honestly say, 3 years ago, I wasn't able to live out this quote. With my health circumstances, I found myself worrying a lot about my future. Wondering how many years of living I had left......
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Here I sit, at my writing desk, while staring out the second-story window into our backyard.
I am home; in my writing room.
Next to me is the new bookshelf I found. Arranged on the shelves.....
Here I sit on the floor in my living room, trying to process the past 20 years, trying to grasp order and structure to the events in my life. I’m surrounded by my computer, personal journals, index cards, sticky notes, and my favorite felt tip pens in probably 15 different colors. The scenes are scattered about with themes and threads weaving over and through the 50,000 words I’ve written.
I stop to wonder why I’m always drawn to working at the kitchen table or in this, the adjoining living room.
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Yesterday I renewed my driver's license and finally got my Real ID.
Last night I showed it to Brielle. She looked at the picture and said:
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When we are deep in grief, it's hard to do much else. Writing has been a way for me to process, especially the hardest of feelings and moments. I hope this short piece is a reminder that it's okay and necessary to grieve in your own way.
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What was I thinking? A road trip through multiple states over two weeks with my parents and daughter. Quickly I learned with proper planning and research this would be a magical experience for us all.
Sometimes life is really hard.
I'm not referring to the hard where you oversleep and are late for work.
But instead, the hard where it feels impossible to move.
