At the beginning of 2024, I put a very scary dream into the short-term future: publish my first book. Over 15 years ago, I turned to writing to help me document and cope with my breast cancer diagnosis. Even before that, I found writing to be my favorite way to communicate. I was always able to articulate my thoughts and feelings better in written form, than verbally.
I didn’t know how I was going to reach this goal of publishing. I didn’t know what the end result would look like. I just had “a knowing” that this year was the time for it.
Holding my baby, heavy on my chest
Along with more mixed emotions
Than I knew how to express
Looking back now
I still feel her
And everything else that I held
My wish is that my book
Will hold that space for others
As they experience life --
The hard and beautiful moments.
At the same moment that I snapped this picture with my baby, I used my phone to write the poem “Stage 4 Ocean”. This poem can be found....
It's hard to believe all of these clinic memories were posted on September 22nd throughout the past 8 years.
Today I looked back at that memory from 8 years ago...
my baby just a toddler......
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This week Brielle and I crossed off another hard 2024 goal that we crushed together! I was a beaming proud Momma as I watched the determination on ....
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We recently moved to a new home; one with a large yard and many plants, shrubs and perennials. I have never gardened. In fact, the past few years I didn’t even buy one potted plant because it felt like one more responsibility for me to care for. ......
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Have you experienced times in your life when the stars seem to align and life starts unfolding like the clothes falling out of a laundry basket? Where you thought you knew how life was going to go, but all of a sudden there’s a detour onto an exciting new path? ......
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Here I sit on the floor in my living room, trying to process the past 20 years, trying to grasp order and structure to the events in my life. I’m surrounded by my computer, personal journals, index cards, sticky notes, and my favorite felt tip pens in probably 15 different colors. The scenes are scattered about with themes and threads weaving over and through the 50,000 words I’ve written.
I stop to wonder why I’m always drawn to working at the kitchen table or in this, the adjoining living room.
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What was I thinking? A road trip through multiple states over two weeks with my parents and daughter. Quickly I learned with proper planning and research this would be a magical experience for us all.
Sometimes life is really hard.
I'm not referring to the hard where you oversleep and are late for work.
But instead, the hard where it feels impossible to move.
"You're supposed to listen to your Mom on Mother's Day" This may have been an exact quote from me yesterday.
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I came across this memory today, from April 2020. The days when most all of us were quarantined to home. When so much was unknown in each of our lives.
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I never thought we'd be taking Brielle to Hawaii.
But
I also never thought I'd be living with metastatic breast cancer.
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11/10/09 made me a stronger person.
13 years ago today was when I picked up that phone call.
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Below is an excerpt from a journal I kept and shared with my family/friends after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This particular post was written after I found out my cancer had metastasized.
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I've been realizing lately how important it is to share the WHY with my family. When I share the why with my daughter, she cooperates and relates more easily.
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Today is a big day for me. SEVEN years ago I got the call.
The 2nd call -- more than 5 years after the 1st time I had heard the words "you have cancer".
