Stage 4 Ocean: Behind the Scenes

Holding my baby, heavy on my chest

Along with more mixed emotions

Than I knew how to express

Looking back now

I still feel her

And everything else that I held

My wish is that my book

Will hold that space for others

As they experience life --

The hard and beautiful moments.

At the same moment that I snapped this picture with my baby, I used my phone to write the poem “Stage 4 Ocean”. This poem can be found in my new book “Life is Hard Life is Beautiful”.

Just an hour before that picture, I had received the stunning and happy news that I didn’t need to move forward the next day with a scheduled total hip replacement.

I had learned that the miracle drug that I had started 9 weeks prior, to manage my new Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, had worked even better than the doctors at the Mayo Clinic could comprehend.

At the very same moment that I received this miraculous news, my dear friend received crushing news that she had cancer progression.

I wrote the poem “Stage 4 Ocean” as a way for me to comprehend what unfolded that day.

My total hip replacement was scheduled for October 21, 2015. Exactly nine years ago today.

Are there any Back to the Future fans out there? Ironically, I learned that October 21, 2015 was an important day in the movie. On that day, I reflected on how all the fear and anxiety I had about the future hip surgery, were not necessary, because the surgery never happened.

Nine years later -- today, I again reflect on how much time I've spent fearing my unknown future. It's easy to say not to fear the future, but I also know the reality of how hard that can be.

For today, I'm taking a moment for deep gratitude of all the lessons I've learned in life.

You can purchase a personalized and signed copy of my book of poems here. I love writing hand notes to those who purchase directly from me.