Here I sit, at my writing desk, while staring out the second-story window into our backyard.
I am home; in my writing room.
Next to me is the new bookshelf I found. Arranged on the shelves are some of my favorite books. The ones that shaped my being. The ones, without them knowing it, challenged me to look at my life differently. The books that guided me through some of my toughest days. They led the path for me, showing me what was to come in my own life.
The shelves also hold my journals. My own words over the years. It’s amazing to page through them now to see what’s changed. But, even more astonishing, the authentic parts, my truths, that have always been in me. My strengths, my passions, my wishes for the future.
On these shelves are also some of my favorite symbols of my personal life journey.
The walls are not yet finished, so sitting on the floor are my favorite wall hangings. Including two new pieces that I purchased on my quest for a bookshelf. I stopped at two thrift stores and although I wasn’t successful with what I set out to search for, I found other treasures. Similar to life, sometimes we find simple joy when we’re searching for something more.
This time, I found a purple frame with chicken wire for pictures to clip onto. I also found a wooden sign with the words “Thank you God for blessing me much more than I deserve”.
I found simple joy in calling my Grandma that afternoon to tell her about these thrift store findings, with a grand total spent of $8.00. Also found at these stores, were 3 books that I’m excited to dig into.
It’s amazing to finally feel home in this space. My desk is scattered with some important mementos and reminders that bring me joy and spark a light and creativity that fills my soul.
The room feels like a warm hug. A fresh start. A clean slate to keep moving forward on this path that He’s laid out for me.
The room is now a paradox of rest and creativity
It’s stripped of the tightness, guilt, and shame, that once closed in on me between the four walls.
The room now expands my mind for so much more.
I am invited to sit and create at my desk
I am invited to sit and rest on the same rocking chair that I once held my miracle newborn in my arms.
I wince thinking back to those days
And how little I allowed myself to rest.
I regret not taking it all in
For the magic it was.
I give myself grace
For I didn’t know better than.
I was conditioned and unable to
Let Go
Of all I had learned from society
I forgive myself.
Remembering it was in that same chair
When the exhaustion was too much
As a new mother, I thought the exhaustion was normal
What I didn’t know was that
The exhaustion was my body slowly building up
Immense pain tolerance
For the literal hole being eaten away by cancer in my hip.
I will leave this rocking chair in my room now
As a symbol of how far I’ve come.
How I, my family, deserve for me to
Listen.
To my body
To my heart
To them.
I take a deep breath now.
Rereading the last lines.
The power the words possess.
I sip my water
I stand to stretch
To light a candle
To sit in silence for two minutes
I have arrived.
Home
Where I’ve been all along
But finally
Feeling what
I haven’t before
A knowing now
That I am
Where I’m meant to be
To:
A - Accept
B - Be
C - Create
In this room
In this life
This room will hold the space
for these cycles I find myself in
Accepting, Being, Creating
I invite you to
sit, take a sip, light a candle
Reflect
Is there anything you need to Accept?
Do you need to slow down and Be?
Do you feel inspired to Create?
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