I've had a lot of people, who are also going through chemotherapy treatments, tell me they don't know how I do this.
I wanted to share a bit about my world so you can possibly see a different perspective. I can post pics of me smiling at the infusion center now, because the chemotherapy I get is a targeted chemo. The reason I still have my hair is because this chemo regimen doesn't attack my entire body, it only finds and attacks any free-floating cancer cells. Most chemotherapies work by attacking any fast-growing cells in the body, which is why patients get so knocked down, lose their hair, lose weight, lose energy, etc
I've been through the extra hard chemotherapies (back in 2009 when I was first diagnosed). Honestly, towards the end of those treatments I was full of envy and annoyance when I saw stories of people dancing or filled with joy at chemo. I remember dreading going to the clinic. I remember crying to my family saying how miserable the infusion rooms were (of course now I can look back and see my perspective of the rooms was from a warped lens).
I share this because I want those going through this, or any hard life moments, right now to understand whatever feelings you have are okay. Many times in life, we try to have toxic positivity. We think we have to be positive and strong all the time. I tried to do that for years. But eventually, the feelings that I was repressing broke me.
When you're in the worst of chemo (or any hard moment) it's a hard balance between:
• Keeping up the fight so you can get through it and
• Acknowledging and sitting with the hard feelings and emotions
I would like to give you a gentle reminder not to compare your experience with other's experiences; especially if you find yourself thinking you "should" be feeling a different way than you currently are.
If this resonated with you, I want to share from one life fighter to another: I'm in your corner, cheering you on. Today and always.
Feel free to share this with someone who might be going through a hard time themselves. Let them know you're in their corner too -- that little reach out will mean so much to them.
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